Saturday, July 18, 2009

selfish by b1

love doesn like me because im selfish....says it wont stay with me if i'm only fulfilling my needs and not hers...says that i should uphold the shivery and continue in doing things that enlighten she even if it makes me darker says i shouldn harp on the past and the mass list of fits caused by the damages of the fairies turned witches, i should stop letting my mind think for itself and only aloow my heart to guide me safely to serenity regardless of the failed attempts prior to us haviing this conversation, said that i should just wait for my eventual elation while consistently work to give it those who are not readily able to recipricate the notion.......basically i sould just become a fool to love and let it carry me where ever it see fit till i fit into someone else's life....and im supposed to be alright with that? and like many times preceding i ask outwardly to her instead of to myself "but what of my needs, what if mine are not met and yet again im left hanging in the balace, flapping in the wind at the whim of one of your sirens, the chasm in within my chest didn carve itself, your female descendants have long since been at work at mining my emotions, harvesting them briefly only to do away with them as soon as the season should i ask why? why can not i do and administere the same practice as so many have done so to me. would i not be justified in restoring whats left of my heart and the once plentiful emotions back into it, ddoing away with the cold exoskeleton it has now become, would i be so wrong as to go as far as exchanging someone else's love for a totally different example; begin to date some beautiful well rounded female and then at the first instant in which i would think to quit it id sex her best friend, or cousin, her next of kin, co-worker or sister then floss my new token rebound around town....dirty right? but would not my actions be just as just as those who so-called proclaimed the very same statement unto me multiple they not warrant the same hurt and pain that ive become far too accustumed to, dont they deserve sleepless nights and the heavy blanket of loneliness and heartache that ive suffered for year...YEARS!!! can i not dish out the same pain for my own personal and emotional gain, am i not allowed to manipulate and seduce others into my romantic version of a "cat-and-mouse" game?? i ask Why if its not cool for me to do these things, why, for womenis the rule not the same; should it not go across the board? why must i be judged while they go thru livin ignored? hmmm? im selfish because im tired of getting the short end of the stick and i'll be taken for granted no more cuz im thru with it....thru with it all....time for me to smile....."

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